Months down the road since my last post. I am terrible at the daily posting. However… I have been writing! I am working on two novels right now. Both non-fiction, one a modern realistic setting and the other a fantasy world fiction. I absolutely love the time I am writing. I worked hard for several years to get to a place in life where I could actually spend hours a week writing like I do now. It’s been glorious. I am getting better at my day job too. Nursing isn’t an easy field of work, but I like the actual medical care parts of it. It’s the people part I don’t enjoy as much sometimes. I am no longer very anxious about my day job, so since that aspect of my life has simmered down I am on a sleeping schedule that is nothing short of enviable. Though the work days are long ones, I am on a work schedule that allows me to work a variation of days that includes 6 working days and 8 days off each pay period- a win in life for sure. I sleep an average of 8.5 hours a night and consistently hit my restful sleep, heart rate, and deep sleep goals in that time. I have noticed it positively. affecting my energy throughout the day, I wake feeling better, and my emotional perspective seems stronger. I also recently bought a Peloton indoor cycling bike. I am pleasantly surprised by how much I am enjoying it! It is harder than I am used to going for cardio. This is perfect since I am obese. Progress in my work life, my writing habits, my sleep, my exercise, oh-
I have also started homeschooling my kid. This hasn’t been smooth, but has finally started to truly stabilize once I got some more clear direction from an actual teacher. Now this week we have started a new routine and the minion will follow a more structured schedule most days of the week. Through this learning experience for me, I have become aware of how poor our public school system is. The structure is faulty, the requirements are minimal, and the social justice system has made it impossible to cultivate healthy growth and weed out the things that don’t belong and so there are no standards of behavior or education anymore. I am planning to keep homeschooling until the 5th grade. Then perhaps she will start back in some kind of school for 6th. She is also taking on more responsibilities with chores and self cares. I am so proud of the person she is becoming. I believe she is an ENFP (Myers Briggs typing) which at first made me nervous about how I could possibly connect with her and how we could live together getting all of our very different needs met, but I think we keep getting better at it. She is having a harder time right now due to Covid BS and not having regular connections with other people her own age, but I make sure to schedule in park time and play dates as much as possible. She has also been able to play online games while face-timing her cousins, and that seems to be helping too.
I am also enrolled now to start taking classes for my BSN starting at the end of this month. This is good since I have to have this degree to make more hourly and to be a respectable RN in any hospital. However, I absolutely hate school. I LOVE LEARNING. But I hate school. Nursing school was one of the worst experiences of my life (lol) so I am most definitely not looking forward to doing more of it. But it will be nice to have it crossed off my list. That is what I will keep reminding myself through all the bullshit group projects we will inevitably be doing in these completely arbitrary courses they require. Whatever. It doesn’t bring me joy, but it’s progress.
I’ve also made a point to try to visit all my siblings and their families this year. Jo was easy since he and K still live nearby for now and I connect with them regularly. I went to Boise to visit C a few weeks back and it was a nice chance to catch up and connect. I am planning a trip to Cali at the end of this month, where I will get to see M. Then sometime in May I am planning to drive to J’s to spend a few days with them! I love my siblings, but the first part of my life has been very self-centered and my early adult years were chaotic and hard. So I feel like I hardly know my family sometimes. Now that my life is stable and peaceful, I want to reconnect and get to know them all again. It’s going well so far.
Basically, life is going really well for us.
I have a work friend that recently was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and he is only in his 40s. It is devastating. At the end of all my thoughts and feelings for them, was this profound reminder to LIVE. Seize the day.
I believe in living a life of growth. Giving your best every day, and over time your best gets better. This is the best way I can think to be. And I work on this growing, constantly, and I love it. I love what growth has done to my life, to my daughters life. I am so happy and proud of my life now. But I often suck at enjoying the present literal moments. I get lost in the planning, the future pacing, the patterns of the mind, and the next steps of growth for me… and this tragedy reminded me to pay attention to the now too. Tomorrow isn’t real yet. Nothing can be done for yesterday. Today is happening now. Life is happening now. So I will be praying for his life and his family, and I will be living my life to the fullest, now.